Starting work on the house...

I'm going through a crunch at work, and now starting work on the house so I can put it up for sale.  Got some other stuff going on too, like this app and its follow on efforts as well as making sure I have some time for "me" stuff.  Let's see how things go.  I see opportunities to use the prioritization matrix to make sure I focus on the important stuff (sometimes it looks like everything is important to me), looking out for overgeneralizations (I'll never get "me" time, I'll never get this done), and other stuff.  If I catch these early I can mitigate their impact.  If I know they may be coming, I can be pro-active, practice my counter thoughts and mitigate their impact.  We'll see how things unfold.  Looks like the next month or so will be game time.

Reminders - try something simple...

If you don't know what to do with the reminders, try something simple, such as in the morning, try this:
"Set your daily goals." That's simple.  See how that works.  Then try something like: "Review My Experiences and update."  Or even something totally different such as "Eat a healthy breakfast."  Trying out simple reminders is one way you can learn if/how this app can help.  For the mid-day, something simple might be: "take a walk" or "get out of the office" or even "call a friend to say hi."  There are a lot of easy things you can remind yourself to do.  Finally, at the end of the day, a simple reminder might be: "review and update My Experiences" or "Set some goals for tomorrow" or even "brush and floss before bed."  That last one might seem odd to some people, but taking care of yourself is important and if you're going through a funk you may need to remind yourself to do it.

Some Notes on Using Mood Sentry

Every now and then I'll take the time to give some guidance on using Mood Sentry, and this is one of those times.  Since this is an app intended to be customized by the user for the user's benefit, there is a lot of stuff that can be modified.  First, remember that just about any text box can be edited via a double tap.  My Experiences, Reminders, Daily Goals, etc.  That's fairly easy to remember, but since there are not a lot of apps like this, I need to state this.  Also, just about every page has a "hints" page that is accessible from the navigation menu.  I put those in there for guidance and hope it helps.  I tried to keep the number of visible buttons low, and only show elements that I think are relevant.  Elements that I think the user will need less frequently I put in the navigation menu.  My intention is to have a fairly clean interface, with very little noise.

Essay: Forecasting Rejection (part 6)

Well, I'm going to wrap this up.  If you compare this to the previous post, you'll see that I edited the first part for clarity and brevity.  I expanded the second part, but only a bit.  I'm pushing the input limits on number of characters.  I think I've captured my thoughts and have some stuff I can use to counter these thoughts a bit.  Here's where I'll end this...

"I tend to forecast rejection when seeking input from others. For example, when I have to review a design concept with someone, I forecast that the person will find some rudimentary flaw in the design. This leads to forecasts of the person calling me stupid, or telling me that they can't believe I made such a stupid mistake. The same thing happens when I need to ask for or comment on something, I automatically forecast "no" and/or imagine the person being insulted or annoyed by me."

"These thoughts tend to make me feel anxious and depressed. I still present my ideas, questions, and comments, primarily because it's my job. However, these thoughts do not represent the norm. The last time I presented a design concept it was well received. In fact, the previous concept was well received too. I can't remember the last time someone thought my question or remark was stupid, though I have been told I can be weird at times. The people I interact with treat others well.  It is common for others to appreciate my input."

It's just a little more direct now.  This is something I can review in the morning, mid-day, or evening, as needed.

Essay: Forecasting Rejection (Part 5)

I'm finishing this one up.  The first paragraph is mostly the same, but I am trying to cut stuff out now...

"I tend to forecast rejection when seeking input from others. For example, when I have to review a design concept with someone, I forecast that the person will find some rudimentary flaw in the design. This then leads to forecasts of the person putting me down for being stupid, or telling me that they can't believe I made such a stupid mistake. The same thing happens when I'm just looking to ask for or comment on something, I automatically forecast "no" and/or imagine the person being insulted or annoyed by me."

"These thoughts tend to make me feel anxious and depressed. I still present my ideas, questions, and comments, primarily because it's my job.  However, these thoughts do not represent the norm. The last time I presented a design concept it was well received. In fact, the previous concept was well received too.  I can't remember the last time someone thought  my question or remark was stupid, though I have been told I can be weird at times.  It is not uncommon for others to appreciate my input."

 I'm going with the past experience defense. I'm also picking up on some things I've forgotten about, specifically  being told I can say weird things at times.  That's something I can work on.  I'm running out of space on this one because I limited the entry to 1024 characters (that includes spaces).  What I'll be doing next is cleaning this up.  I think it captures what I needed to capture.  We'll see.

Birthday Greetings!

Well, it's my Birthday today.  So how am I feeling?  Overwhelmed.  Not from my birthday, but I seem to have filled my plate with lots of stuff.  Work, this app, volunteer activities for an environmental organization, oh yeah, getting ready to put my house on the market.  This is a good time to make use of my prioritization scheme.  Other than work, there really is nothing with a hard deadline coming up.  Most of the other things have deadlines that I created just to push myself a bit and give myself a goal.  I identified that the crunch at work is very important, this app is next in line, and as long as I balance those with maintaining a healthy lifestyle, I'll be in good shape.  This thought helped alleviate a lot of stress and beat thoughts of not having enough time.  I do have enough time for the stuff I really need to address.  The thoughts  that I'll never get things done are not only incorrect, but predicated on the notion that I have to do it all.  I really don't.  Ha.  Take that, distorted thoughts.

Taking a break today...

from the essay.  Been feeling a bit depressed today, more so than usual.  Feeling overwhelmed.  I've loaded my plate with lots of stuff.  The prioritization scheme helps, as does the daily goals list.  Also, it helps to look back periodically and see that I've actually accomplished things I needed to.  I actually did some neat things such as kayaked and saw some sea lions, relaxed at a Peet's and read an article in the Harvard Business Review, did some programming, laundry, shopping, and lots more.  I think I'm still reeling from the distraction yesterday regarding my wife's computer.  I think the general thoughts have to do with missing free time from my weekend.  Looking back, I think I got everything done that I needed to  get done and did plenty of fun stuff too.  Fun stuff I did: hike, wine tasting, kayaking, reading, talked to family, played dress up and went to a party.  Hmmmm.  Looks like I had a good weekend.  Yes, I did have to deal with an unexpected problem, but those things happen.  It did not ruin my weekend.  It did not take up all my time.

Taking a break from the Essay...

to address the current situation.  My wife's computer was infected with malware, SCAN_HDD.  I've been working to remove this for about 4 hours now.  Lot's of distortions: this is going to take for ever to clean (nope, just about done), she SHOULD never have opened that file (nope, file came from a friend, looked good at the time, but she realized it wasn't kosher right away and stopped it), I SHOULD have prevented it (looks like a should, but more PERSONALIZATION in my humble opinion, and I did have anti virus on her computer, which is up to date, what more can I ask of myself?), the a*holes who wrote this SHOULD never have done this (OK, labeling and a should statement, but in this case it's not a distortion, it's just simply true, however, am I going to let that drive my mood?  Nope!).

Essay: Forecasting Rejection part 4

I'm moving on a bit with this.  I'm shortening the thoughts section, identifying some of the distortions, and figuring out what to do...

"I tend to forecast rejection when seeking input from others. For example, when I have to review a design concept with someone, I forecast that the person will find some rudimentary flaw in the design.  This then leads to forecasts of the person putting me down for being stupid, or telling me that they can't believe I made such a stupid mistake. The same thing happens when I'm just looking to ask for something, I automatically forecast "no" and then imagine the person being insulted or annoyed that I even asked."
"I'm seeing forecasting for sure, but also seeing some labeling and some personalization."
"These thoughts tend to make me feel anxious and depressed.  I still present my ideas and questions, primarily because it's my job.  Bit I think I can combat them and minimize their impact.  The last time I presented a design concept it was well received.  In fact, the previous concept was well received too."

I'm starting to look at the thoughts and identify ways to combat them.  Right now, it looks like I'll go with the past experience defense.  That can be handy, particularly when the past experience is recent.  We'll see.

Essay: Forecasting Rejection (part 3)

Didn't get much done today because I've been super busy at work.  However, these thoughts have been popping up as a result of my activities.  How serendipitous.  Here's where I am...
"I tend to forecast rejection when seeking input from others.  It's rejection of either my ideas or myself.  For example, when I have to review a design concept with someone, I forecast that the person will find some rudimentary flaw in the design.  This then leads to forecasts of the person putting me down for being stupid, or telling me that they can't believe I made such a stupid mistake. The same thing happens when I'm just looking to ask for something, I automatically forecast "no" and then imagine the person being insulted or annoyed that I even asked. I tend to take rejection of my ideas as a rejection of myself."
I'm filling in the thought a bit, identifying the scenarios, and figuring out what's going on in my head.  I'll keep working this because it's timely for me.  It helps me get through these hectic days.

Essay: Forecasting Rejection (cont.)

I'm still trying to figure out what's really driving these thoughts.  Here's where I am right now with this essay...
"I tend to forecast rejection when seeking input from others.  It's rejection of either my ideas or myself.  For example, when I have to review a design concept with someone, I forecast that the person will find some rudimentary flaw in the design.  This then leads to forecasts of the person putting me down for being stupid, or telling me that they can't believe I made such a stupid mistake.  I tend to take rejection of my ideas as a rejection of myself."
I'm still trying to capture the thoughts in my heads.  I never really thought of myself as a label kind of guy, but perhaps I am.  As I develop this essay I'll learn more about my thoughts and myself.

Forecasting Conflict essay (now Rejection)

I have the example essay that relates to forecasting, and decided to focus this one more specifically on forecasting rejection.  My typical approach is to jot down my thoughts and try to figure out what's going on in my head.  Here's what I have so far...
"I tend to forecast conflict when seeking input from others.  It's not always conflict, a lot of times it's just rejection of either my ideas or myself.  I tend to take rejections of my ideas as a rejections of myself."
As you can see, I'm just jotting down they way I see it now.  Over the next few days, I'll dig a little deeper and figure out what's going on in my head.  You'll see how it develops.
Also, note that I changed the title from Forecasting Conflict to Forecasting Rejection.  I used the menu to do that.  I had this item selected, brought up the menu, and then selected Edit Title.

Started a new Essay today

It's short and sweet right now.  The subject is forecasting conflict.  I do this  a lot.  There really is no benefit to ALWAYS forecasting conflict.  It's simply not balanced.  I'm going to collect my thoughts on this probably share how this develops.  This may end up like watching sausage being made.  We'll see.  Stay tuned.

Why so dark?

Why's the screen so dark?  When I first built this app I used a white background.  However, I became concerned about battery life.  Quite often it takes me a while to gather my thoughts and capture them in a succinct manner.  Having a white background displayed while I try to organize and capture my thoughts just seemed like a waste of battery time to me.  This app is designed for contemplation, not simply opening it, doing something, and closing it.  I changed the background to black and think it looks fairly clean.  I really have no idea how much battery life this may save and I'm not about to do a study on it.  However, I think for this app the black background makes sense.   So why the blue to yellow?  Do you mean blue to sunny?  Hmmmmm.

How Mood Sentry Helps Me (4)

I think this will be the final entry in this How Mood Sentry Helps me series of posts.  This one addresses the reminders.  On an intellectual level, I know I need to address my condition on a daily basis.  However, I often forget to do so.  When I used Outlook (at work) and Thunderbird (actually Lightning, at home), I found that with an automated reminder, I was more likely to address my condition.  There were many reasons I would forget, being depressed and wrapped up in distorted thoughts (what's the use?), being busy on a task at home or at work, having lots of things on my mind, etc.  The automated reminder on it's own wasn't enough, however.  At times, I still needed to push myself to take some sort of action.  Those self defeating thoughts can be quite powerful, but usually my better judgement won out.  Because I wrote the reminders for myself, they rang true to me.  The default reminders are mine, if you want to see how good automated reminders can be, I suggest re-writing them in your own words.  Keep it simple to start, such as "do your homework" or "review your day."  Work with your therapist on this.   I think you'll find the exercise beneficial.  Good luck.

How Mood Sentry Helps Me (3)

Yet another way Mood Sentry helps me is through it's capability to let me record and review my thoughts via the event log, observation log, essays, and cost benefit analyses.  These features make it fairly easy for me to capture things when they happen, or nearly so.  The cool thing I've learned is that I don't have to capture all the details at once.  If I capture the gist and main thoughts, that's good enough.  When I have more time later in the day, I can revisit the entry and fill in more details.  In fact, as I've mentioned before in this blog, revisiting the entries over time (days, weeks) is beneficial in terms of gleaning more insight to myself.  Finally, having these recorded experiences on my phone is handy when I see my therapist.  I can quickly review entries before the session and even during the session.  It's very handy.

How Mood Sentry Helps Me (2)...

Another way Mood Sentry helps me is through persistent access to relevant references.  Sometimes I like to get away from the office (recently it's been every day) and capture my thoughts.  I'm often at a Starbucks in Huntington Beach, California.  Reviewing the references on Cognitive Distortions can help me better understand what's going on in my head.  Having a self help book on the table is something I'm much more comfortable with these days, but I still like the level of confidentiality offered by having some decent references on my phone.  I look just like the other people staring at their phones in the shop.  Speaking of the references, how do they work for you?  Good enough to jog your memory?  Got something better that looks good on the phone?  Let me know.

How Mood Sentry helps me...

Mood Sentry helps me through persistent access to references (less now than when I created this app) and a handy place to record my thoughts.  For example, in the morning, before I start my day, I review My Experiences with thoughts toward how my day will unfold.  I have some standing meetings that I can think about, the tasks that I'm working, and the people I need to interact with.  If you've looked at the examples, you can see that I forecast gloom, doom, and conflict.  Thinking ahead and using the relevant mitigations can help me prepare for my day as well as recognize that I've been through these events before and survived.  I know this can sound silly, but so what, isn't that "Mind Reading?"  It's tough to explain how reviewing my experiences really helps me, but it does.  I prepare my mitigations.  I recognize that I've experienced these thoughts before.  I take care of nascent thoughts that exist when I wake up.  And there's probably a few more things that this does.  What does it do for you?  I'll cover more ways this helps tomorrow.

Homework...

I'm seeing stuff on the importance of doing homework when addressing mood disorders.  Think phone based reminders might help?  You certainly don't need Mood Sentry for that.  You can simply use your calendar function to set a reminder.  Taking the initiative and setting your own reminder in your own words for yourself is a good thing.  I bet all you'll need is to give yourself a gentle nudge.  Try it.

Setting Goals...

can really help alleviate feelings of anxiety and depression.  Of course, the goals need to be realistic.  I tend to look at all the things in front of me as being equally important.  That really isn't the case.  Having the priority scheme as well as a daily goals list can help defeat negative thoughts by helping me focus on just the needed stuff.  I need both sometimes, one to help me id the important stuff, one to help me set realistic goals.  I've mentioned recently that I'm moving into my wife's house. We have two houses and have been living in mine.  We moved into her's for the most part yesterday.  That really took a load off my  mind.  That was my most important thing, and using the prioritization scheme helped me realize that and be more comfortable leaving other things to rest.  Does any of this ring with you?

People should behave as I expect...

This thought comes up a lot with me.  It's a should statement, and one that really has no merit. Expecting people to behave as I expect is not realistic and can drive all sorts of negative feelings.  Anger and frustration often result from such thoughts.   One way I counter this thought is with a counter should statement, people should behave as they expect.  It's probably not the best counter thought because it's still a should statement, but it can start me feeling better.  I can look at myself and see that I behave mostly as I think I should, so why wouldn't I expect others to do the same?  Of course they should.  Most often when others don't do as I expect, they are  acting to the best of their knowledge of what's best for them.  Good for them.  I often do the same.

Packing for a move...

Lot's of distorted thoughts popping up.  I'll never get this done.  I don't have time for anything else.  This will consume all my time.  Stuff like that.  Lost free time has been a recurring thought for much of my life.  Thing is, I now know these thoughts can drive feelings of loss and sadness, which can reinforce themselves through emotional reasoning.  One thing I did tonight was punt.  I just accepted that I'm going to work on the move tonight and get things packed and organized.  I have plenty of time to do other things later this weekend.  Looking at my prioritization schemes, which admittedly are not perfect, I see that the move is the most important thing I have right now.  Everything else on my list can wait because there is no near term need for any of it.  Hmmm.  Got my taxes done, went on vacation, and now a move.  Tonight and tomorrow night I get ready for a move, Saturday morning I move.  Then there's time for other stuff.  It helps to have a prioritization scheme in times like this.

Been up the coast...

for a few days of vacation.  What do you think went through my mind two days before my vacation when I noticed that a person had rated the trial version of this app with 1 out of 5 stars?  I'll never fix this before my trip.  I'm ruined.  How about nobody is going to want to try this app out.  I had a 1 star rating and the comment was in German.  Yikes!  First, I am not my app.  I think this thought really hit home with me.  I took a moment to think of all the things that make me up: husband, engineer, volunteer, caring, funny, and lots, lots more.  I am not my app.  Once I had this thought firmly lodged in my head, the rest was easy.  Do what you can do and move on.  I found an error and fixed it, and then reset the start time for all existing users to 12 am on March 31.  Too bad I had no way of telling people I did this except through this blog.  Oh well.  Regarding nobody is going to want to try this app out?  Too late, a couple of people already have.  I'll never fix this before my trip?  Wrong again.  At least, I fixed one problem which may not have been the issue the German had.  Hmmmm.