Interested in Meeting with Me?

I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that I sent postcards out to local therapists inviting them to meet with me to try out the app.  This is the third and final week that I offered to meet with them, and I have yet to get a confirmation that anyone will show up.  So, I figure I'll post here that I'll be at the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf at 4105 Atlantic Ave in Long Beach, CA, this Saturday (Feb 2) from 9 to 10 am.  If you'd like to meet with me and give me any feedback on what's working for you and what's not with Mood Sentry, I'd like to hear about it.  Of course, you can always post a reply on this with your comments and thoughts too.

Forgot my Phone Today

My alarm woke me up this morning, which threw me off track.  I typically wake up before my alarm.  The result was that I forgot my phone, and by extension, forgot my app.  What did I do?  I did my best.  At the start of my work day I took a moment to reflect on the plans for the day and thought about what distortions might manifest.  I reflected back on the activity logs I kept and thought about some of my personal entries in my app and just prepared some potential mitigations.  At lunch I slipped away from the office and remembered that I did have my activity logs in a satchel in the trunk of my car, so I took a moment to reflect on what's gone well and just skim those logs.  This evening I'm home and thus have access to my phone.  I hit most of my Daily Goals, even with out my phone to remind me.  Not a bad day.  My usual distortions popped up, but I was able to keep them in check.  Let's see what happens tomorrow.

Got Out of the Office at Lunch Today

Getting out of the office during lunch is something I used to do quite frequently but haven't been able to do that often recently.  It's good for me to get away from the stress and commotion and reflect back on my morning.  Today I went to a local Starbucks.  I took the opportunity to pull out my phone and peruse my entries in Mood Sentry.  Sometimes I feel a bit self conscious reviewing my entries in the office, but I never feel that way at a coffee shop.  I reflected back on my morning, reviewed My Experiences and some of my tools like the Essays and Ideal Self.  Doing this helped me re-frame the morning and center my thoughts.  The main reason I created Mood Sentry was to have my thoughts and experiences at my fingertips, any time, any place.  Even though I was in a public place, I still felt as if I had plenty of privacy to reflect on my thoughts this morning.  I had several things that upped my stress and depression, mostly related to things not getting done. Plenty of opportunities for should statements and forecasts.  I was able to identify the scenarios that were driving my mood, and able to counter most of the associated thoughts.  I returned to work a bit more relaxed, relatively speaking, and had a pretty good afternoon.

Had an Interesting Day Today

I was getting into and out of a mild depression today, triggered by my usual thoughts of conflict and lost time.  I got a lot of things done but few of them were on my Daily Goals list.  However, I'm still feeling pretty good about my accomplishments because I got things done that needed to get done.  The stuff on my daily goals list can be finished tomorrow, so the list will stand for another day.  I made time to review the app which I think kept those thoughts from driving me into a deeper funk than I experienced.  I reviewed the app three times today, morning, noon, and this evening.  I also made time to review those activity logs I created over the past two week this evening.  When I did that I just did a quick read through of  the logs.  What popped out at me during that read through was that I often have things run longer than planned, but only a little longer and they rarely if ever consume my day.  I also often have things run shorter than planned, and often things run as planned.  All these drive the point home that there really are few if any reasons to worry about losing time due to some unforeseen issue.  I spent some time today thinking about my tendency toward all or nothing thinking and how that can drive some of my forecasts.  I thought about a lot of things today, and had a few realizations.  I think that's what I found interesting about today.

Reviewed my Activity Logs from the Past Two Weeks

It's interesting to see what I logged and how the same challenges keep coming up.  Reviewing the activity logs in aggregate is helping me formulate some plans of attack.  I'm thinking that my natural tendency toward all or nothing thinking is really what's driving my forecasts of lost time and getting bogged down on tasks I need to perform.  I'm also thinking that my challenges relating to how I express myself may be driving my forecasts of conflict.  These are just thoughts right now.  Note that these forecasts of lost time and conflict are not recent in my life, but forecasts that I've had since childhood.  I've modified a couple of entries in the Tools section of Mood Sentry to better capture these insights.  I think it's going to take me a while to really digest what's in these activity logs and figure out what's going on because these forecasts have been part of my life for such a long time.

I Was Feeling a Little Antsy Today

I'm not sure why.  I had another event at a local coffee shop to which I invited local therapists to review Mood Sentry with me, but no one showed up.  That was fine because since no one RSVP'd I brought along some reading material to keep me occupied.  I also took the time to review Mood Sentry and set some goals for myself while at the coffee shop.  Sometimes when I have this feeling of low level anxiety (antsy), setting some  goals for the day can really help.  I used my Prioritization Scheme to help identify what's important and needs to be addressed today.  One result of that was that I did some work related activities during the afternoon, which have a deadline coming up.  I also got a haircut and cleaned up my home office desktop, mostly (it's still a little messy).  Paper had been piling up and was making it tough to find stuff.  There were other things I completed today and my evening reminder prompted me to reflect back on them.  There was one more thing I wanted to do today, which was review those activity logs I created over the past couple of weeks, but that can wait until tomorrow.  I'm sleepy and did get a lot of things done today.  I'm feeling less antsy and that's a good thing.

Pop-Up Tasks

For the past couple of days, I've had these tasks pop-up at the end of the day.  Being me, I forecast that I'll never get home, that I'll need to be at work all night, that I won't complete the other things I have to complete that day.  Not one of these thoughts came true.  All the pop-up tasks were completed in a relatively short time, and are now recorded in the activity log I've kept.  But that's not the point of this entry.  This evening I was reviewing my Event Log in the Tools section of Mood Sentry, and guess what I found?  An event related to pop-up tasks.  It basically described what's happened in the event description widow.  Here's what I have in the mitigation window...

"Not everything has to get done today.
Prioritize.
Look for things that can be delayed.
Consider that many things can be completed quickly, such as the pop-up or the other things to do."

Just some self talk to bring me back to a more realistic mindset.  I've been so focused on my activity log these past two weeks that I've only briefly reviewed Mood Sentry on any given day.  I have some good stuff in there, but I need to review it every now and then for it to be effective.  I'll review more of my entries this weekend and see what other tidbits I have.

Continuing with the Activity Logs

Just to recap, the format is...
Task; Planned: x minutes, Took: y minutes; Forecast:...; Actual:...;
I also include a self assessment at the end of the day that simply states "How'd I do?"
Keeping these activity logs is helping me see that my forecasts are usually incorrect, and kind of extreme.  After tomorrow I should have 9 solid work days of records.  I was reviewing the 8 that I have today which is somewhat uncomfortable for me.  Reviewing these entries drives home how prevalent my forecasts of conflict and lost free time really are.  However, I also see that these forecasts are more often wrong than correct.  I'm trying to figure out how I will use the group after tomorrow.  I'm thinking of looking for common themes, grouping them, and then attacking each group.  I can also really dig and see if I can find the core belief that drives each group.  I'm still working on this.  At a minimum, I can tune some of my entries in Mood Sentry to better address a specific group.

Caught Myself Forecasting This Morning

I woke up early, before my alarm, and caught myself forecasting conflict and doom for the day.  Because I caught myself, I was able to address these thoughts.  I tried some of the counter thoughts I have in the app.  For example, I was forecasting conflict in regards to a meeting I had schedule, so I imagined a great meeting in which we all got along.  That helped improve my feelings of anxiety.  I did the same for a couple of other thoughts related to things not going well.  It turns out the counter thoughts were closer to reality than those forecasts.  I reviewed Mood Sentry when I got in to work to reinforce those counter thoughts.  My mood was up and down during the day, but I don't think the swings were that bad.

Thinking of Creating a "Lite" Version

I'm thinking of creating a "lite" version of Mood Sentry.  The lite version would not have the Tools feature and would be free.  It would have the References  My Experiences, and Reminders functions only.  The user would be able to tailor the Manifestations and Mitigations of the cognitive distortions in the My Experiences section, and would be able to tailor the reminders to her own needs.  I think this would give the user a chance to try the main features of the app and see if it fits her therapy program before buying.  What do you think?

Not my Typical Monday

I did not use Mood Sentry until lunch today.  I jumped right into this activity log exercise I've been practicing, by opening an e-mail and recording what I was doing.  I continued to record things throughout the day.  For pop up items, is set the expected time to N/A, but still record the actual time it took.  I record my forecasts for all tasks as well as how things actually went.  I have lots of forecasts regarding tasks bogging me down for the rest of the day and turning confrontational for some reason.  Those reasons for confrontation are sometimes due to an error on my part or perhaps my intruding on someone else's time.  However, the more data I collect the more I see that these are rarely the cases.  In fact, for the 5 days I've been recording my activities, I have yet to encounter one of these confrontational events.  So why the forecasts?  I know I have a natural tendency toward black and white thinking.  That's probably part of it.  But there's probably more.  I'll keep recording my activities, time estimated and actual, and forecast about how things will go and how things actually went.  I think there's something here.  Regarding Mood Sentry, I'll fire it up in a moment and set some goals for tomorrow.  I have a couple of things I want to make sure I address tomorrow.

Reviewed my Activity Logs Again

I reviewed the logs again to get me ready for next week.  I know these logs are not part of Mood Sentry, and I really don't think they would be useful on a phone display in their current format.  Just too much information.  However, I am reviewing them and I think it's good to cover this on this blog.  Reviewing last week's (4 of the 5 days) entries is helping me prepare for tomorrow.  I often get antsy on Sunday, thinking that things are going to blow up on Monday.  Monday's are usually fairly tame, and because tomorrow is a Government holiday, I think it will be tame too.  I've covered what's in these logs on the previous posts.  I'm not gleaning too much new information from the re-reads of the logs, but I am reinforcing that I do forecast trouble, which rarely happens.  I'll open an e-mail to log my tasks tomorrow.  This time, I'll ask myself what happened last time I did this, or something similar.  With the log from last week, I think more often than not I'll have a similar task I can refer to.  We'll see how this works.

Invited Local Therapists to Review the App

I sent out post cards the other week to local therapists, inviting them to meet me a local coffee shop today to check out the app.  I didn't get any responses but went to the coffee shop just in case someone showed without responding   No one showed.  That wasn't that bad.  Because no one responded I prepared for no shows and had plenty of stuff to read.  In addition, the experience of planning and preparing for this event was good in itself.  I only sent our 25 post cards for this event.  I have another event planned for next Saturday for which I sent 35 postcards.  We'll see if anyone shows up next week.  Regarding the activity logs I kept last week, I did review them today and will do so again tomorrow.  I still think there's something good about keeping these logs.  I'm generating questions in regards to why I keep forecasting conflict with pop-up interactions in light of my evidence that conflict rarely happens.  Seeing most of the day's activities on one page really captures how often I forecast and how often those forecasts are wrong.  I think that's a good thing.

One More Daily Log

I think I can see how these daily logs can help me.  I plan to review the 4 I have this weekend.  I'll probably review and format them on Saturday and really look them over on Sunday.  I think I'll be able to better see patterns and identify things I can do to better manage my mood.  Keeping these logs going in near real-time is helping because I'm better able to catch my thoughts.  If I wait too long to capture the thoughts, they have a tendency to blur.

I'm Continuing the Daily Activity Log

It was a little tougher today.  Possibly because the novelty is wearing off, however, I think this is a good idea for me at this point in my recovery.  I think that I can reinforce the idea that I handle myself pretty well and that I respond pretty well when responding to other people.  I'm starting to get this feeling that one of my biggest issues has to do with being afraid of saying or doing something that is offensive to others, unintentionally.  What I just wrote doesn't feel quite on the nose, but I think it's close.  Anyway, what I'm doing is recording the task, estimating the time, capturing my thoughts regarding the task, then recording the actual time and what actually happened.  At the end of the day I have a list of the activities I performed during the day.  I e-mail that list to myself at home, copy it into a document, review it, and then add a section titled "How'd I do?"  That section helps me critique myself and capture the overall performance I achieved during the day.  I'll keep doing this for a few more days.

Did it Again Today

I opened an e-mail, first thing in the morning, and kept a log of what I did.  Here's the format I had at the  top of the page...
Task, planned: x min, took: y min.  Forecast: ...; Actual:...
It's simple for me to follow.  I id the task, then the planned time it will take, then I have a space for the time it actually took, my forecast of how I think things will go, and how things actually went.  Here's how I think it's helping me.
It gets me to id how long I think something will take and then how long it took.  I have issues with forecasting that I'll get bogged down in activities and won't be able to complete them.  This record helps create a database that will, I believe, refute those forecasts.
It gets me to record my thoughts of how I think things will go and how they actually went.  I have these thoughts that things will get out of hand, which usually is not the case.  Again, I'll have a database of this, plus recording my thoughts when they happen is helping me better capture what those thoughts are.
Finally, it gives me something to review at the end of the day that is a fairly accurate description of what happened.  What I can see from these two days of data is that things don't go as bad as I forecast, and if things do get bad I usually handle them fairly well.  That's good to capture and think about.

Was Under the Weather Today

I got to work, but was feeling a bit low.  Sinuses congested, throat scratchy, and muscle ached.  I felt bad and my mood was low.  I think my depression got the better of me because I went home after a 1/2 day and napped/rested for a chunk of the afternoon.  I started feeling better physically, but not mentally.  I was really feeling depressed.  What I then did was attack my mood.  I pulled out Dr. Burns' book "Feeling Good" and started perusing that.  I then pulled out another book I have targeted at adults with Asperger and worked on a couple of items in that book.  The items relate to difficulties at work which is something I recently started addressing.  Actively addressing my condition, be it recording my thoughts in the app, reading one of my books, or doing something physical usually makes me feel better.  This evening I walked to a local grocery store and did a little shopping.  By the time I got home, I was feeling a bit better. I think it was the sum of all the things I did this afternoon and evening that made me feel better, not just the walk.

Tried Something a Bit Different Today

When I got to work I started an e-mail to myself at home.  I left this e-mail open all day and filled it in with that various tasks I undertook, how much time I thought the task would take, how I thought the task would go, how long it actually took, and how it actually went.  Here's a sample of what I did...

Pull Financial Data planned 10 min, took 10, forecast - straight forward, no issues expected; actual -minor password issue, resolved. Note - needed to redo this later in the morning to accommodate a request.
Plot Financial Data planned 10 min, took 40, forecasts -  involved, but straight forward; actual - More involved than anticipated, but will be easier in the future.
Update Analysis Tool planned 15 min, took 5.  forecasts - somewhat involved, but straight forward; actual -  was actually easier than anticipated. Note that there were a couple of follow up meetings that didn't take long.
Team tag up planned 30 min, took 15 forecasts - Straight forward meeting, no issues expected; actual - as expected

I kept updating this record during the day.  Not every entry had all this data, some were more simple in which I just identified the activity, the forecasts, and the actuals.  I'm going to review this e-mail.  I'm gleaning more insights into my thought patterns from it.  For example, I think I tend to disqualify the positive a bit more than I realized.  It's also helping me better articulate what's going on in my head.  I'll review this e-mail tomorrow and then start a new one.  I want to see where this takes me.

Wrapping the Day Up

How did things go today?  Pretty well.  I set some Daily Goals last night and did most of them.  I came up with other things to do which I felt were more important, which is why I didn't do all the goals.  I often wonder if I should open the Daily Goals tool and update the goals when I decide to work on something else.  I usually don't do that.  The Daily Goals tool is really there as a suggestion/memory jogger.  I also updated the morning reminder and removed more verbiage that I thought was redundant.  It's a bit leaner but still captures what I want to tell myself in the morning.  I spent some time earlier today reviewing some entries   I have a lot of them now and it's interesting to see how I can approach what is essentially the same thought through the different tools, such as Essays or Observations.  Sometimes I'll start an entry in one tool but as the write-up develops I'll realize it would be better kept under a different tool.  Fortunately I know how to copy and paste on my phone.  I just set some goals for tomorrow to help jump start my day.  I think I'm in pretty good shape for tomorrow.

Modified my Morning Reminder

I had another day where I was procrastinating on a couple of items.  Same thoughts of the task turning into a quagmire or something like that.  This being the second day of such thoughts prompted me to take action.  What I decided to do was modify my morning reminder.  When I modify an example, the first thing I do is remover the "Example:" at the start of the entry.  This makes it clear to me that I modified the entry.  What I did next was add a line at the end of the morning reminder that reads: "Keep in mind that tasks are rarely as bad as you forecast."  That's simple.  However, that made the reminder unduly long.  This reminder was somewhat long to begin with.  I didn't like that, so I looked for something to remove.  I ended up removing the "Think about your automatic thoughts..." sentence.  I think the reminder is still useful and now includes something related to a thought pattern that has been getting in my way recently.  I'll see how this works.  If I need to modify it, that's fine.  Modifying entries to accommodate new and emerging insights is what the app is designed to do.

Was Procrastinating Today

On just one item that I needed to start.  What I did was work on other tasks in the morning.  Why wasn't I starting that one item?  I think I was forecasting getting bogged down in the task and realizing that it was a much more involved effort than anticipated.   Or it had something to do with spending a lot of time on the task only to realize I did the wrong thing.  Something along those lines.  I'll group both of those under forecasting.  Anyway, after lunch I found some time to review my entries in the app and I have a couple that are relevant to starting new tasks.  Both essentially say the same thing, which is to just do it.  More often than not tasks don't turn into quagmires and I do generate something useful.  That got me started on the task, which is a presentation due in a week or so.  I wanted to start it because I'm not exactly sure what I want to include in the presentation, and starting it now will let me investigate a couple of options.  The app helped today, but why don't I just remember that tasks usually don't turn into quagmires?

How are the Hints Working for You?

I tried to include enough hints in the app to help people understand how I use the various features.  I tried to strike a balance between too much guidance and not enough and think I did pretty good in that respect.  The hints are tailored to the various tools in the app, so you might want to make sure you check them out on the various pages you use.  Note that the hints in several of the Tools are the same, such as the Events log and the Cost Benefit record.  Both use essentially the same program with different text.  To access the tools on Android, you need to bring up the "options menu" and then select the "tools" button.  On the iPhone, select the "tools" button on the bottom of the page.  Good luck, and let me know what you think.

Finished Strong Today

I let work distract me from using the app today, which is probably why I was a little more stressed than usual this afternoon.  This evening, I did make the time to reflect back on my day and realized that I got plenty of stuff done today.  I did set some goals at lunch time, and I hit most of them plus a few others.  Looking back while reviewing My Experiences is something I've started to do fairly recently and I think it helps me relax at bit before going to bed.  It reminds me that things usually go pretty well, that the planning I do does contribute to good results, and that things tend not to go to hell on any given day.  I set some goals for tomorrow and will make the time to review them again in the morning.

Another Pretty Good Day

Those thoughts I had about things going to heck the first day back from the break were just that, thoughts.  They never manifested as reality.  Yet I've done that to myself for quite some time.  Back in Junior and Senior high school, I would wake up early in the morning fretting on the day.  I would put my homework off until then, giving me something to do.  I'd go downstairs and finish my homework, then get ready for school. I don't think that was the best way to deal with thoughts like that.  I'm better at analyzing and challenging those thoughts now.  Mood Sentry helps me track my thoughts and develop counter thoughts to those that are distorted.  I'm not too sure about how to handle distorted thoughts in the early morning, because picking up my phone and trying to read my entries is tough at that time of day.  I've used the app enough, and reviewed my entries enough, that I can pretty much remember many of my entries, and maybe that's the best I can do at this time.  I'll sleep on that.

Made Time for the App this Morning

First day back after a 2 week vacation, and I was expecting things to get hectic.  I made time to review the app this morning, even though I kept thinking that I didn't have the time.  I'm glad I did.  It set me on a better track.  I guess I sometimes get wrapped up in my thoughts and forget to challenge them.  Making the time to review even a couple of entries can help me,  particularly when I think ahead and plan for the thoughts that are likely to manifest.  I was still a little antsy today, waiting for that something to happen that would ruin my day, but it never happened.  And that antsy feeling?  I was able to keep it in check most of the time.  I had a pretty good day as a result.

Feeling Better Today

A good night's sleep helped.  I also reviewed My Experiences this morning and set some goals.  One of the goals I set was to jot down the various activities I have going on right now and what needs to be done on each.  This turned into multiple lists.  Making multiple lists helped me beat this feeling of being overwhelmed.  The lists help me see what I have to do, and I guess beat the thought that things are going to slip through the cracks only to emerge later as an emergency.  The lists also help me identify what's important to do now, and what can wait.  I'm still a little stressed because I return to work tomorrow after a couple of weeks off, but I can deal with that.  This stress is due to my typical thoughts of things bowing up tomorrow.  I have a few entries I can and will review to help with these thoughts.

Feeling Very Sad Tonight

I'm not sure what's driving this mood tonight.  I know I have to go back to work on Monday, and I'm thinking that I should have done a little more work than I did over the break.  I had a list of things to do today and did the important one, but feel I should have done more.  I'm also very tired which is why I haven't gotten more work done.  So, I have a couple of should statements driving my mood, but is there anything driving the should statements?  I did do some work over the break, which is more than I needed to because I'm on vacation.  I had plans to work on a paper over the break but didn't get around to it.  It's really not that  bad, but when I look forward I think that I will be swamped on my return.  Regarding the other things I planned to do today, it's a similar situation.  I think that putting them off until tomorrow is just going to fill my tomorrow with more stuff I can't complete.  In both cases I'm forecasting catastrophe.  This is typical of me and may be related to my tendency toward black and white thinking.  Either things will be good or they will be bad.  The trouble with that is when something is a little off I forecast that it will be very bad.  I got something major off my plate today which is a very good thing and now I am tired.  The only thing I should do is get some sleep.  Things often look better when I'm rested and looking at them with a fresh mind.  I'm feeling a little better now.

Feeling a bit Overwhelmed Today

I had lots of little things to do today, and the number of variety of these things had me feeling a bit overwhelmed.  I know that I have a tendency toward all or nothing thinking, and the thoughts driving this feeling had to do with completing everything on my plate today.  If I can't complete it all, then somehow I'm a failure.  There's a label for you.  What I ended up doing was focusing on the most important items and try to get those done.  It's funny in a way, but those items really didn't take long to address.  I had those done by lunch.  So I then attacked a couple of other items that I've put off but felt I needed to address.  I completed both of those too.  Finally, I realized I needed to get something done before tomorrow, and guess what?  I completed that too.  Today will be a good day to reflect back on in the future.  This is typical for me.  I fret about having lots of things to do on a given day, but usually end up completing them or at least the important ones.  So why worry?

Planing to Demonstrate Mood Sentry

I'm planning to demonstrate Mood Sentry to some local (Long Beach, CA area) therapists.  It will take a week to print the post cards and mail them out, which means I won't be able to demonstrate the app for a couple of weeks.  My thoughts are waffling between having a constructive interaction and having a confrontational interaction.  That's the all or nothing thinking I'm prone to poking its head up.  I've been able to capture these thoughts as they come up.  I forecast that I'll be ridiculed for thinking that I can make an app to help others or for making this app without any training in the field of psychotherapy.  I counter these thoughts by imagining people showing up generally interested in checking the app out to figure out if it can help them in their practice, and giving me open/honest feedback.  I'm wondering how many other apps do this, or do they just publish and forget?  There's 2 more thoughts that go through my mind, one is that nobody will RSVP or show up, and the other is that all the therapists I contact will RSVP and show up.  The second one is unlikely.  I'm not sure about the first, but if that does in fact happen then I'm in the same boat I am now.  No worries.

Just Reviewed my Evening Reminder

Sometimes I forget what's in the reminder until I see it.  That seems odd to me because I wrote it and review it quite frequently.  However, it just seemed fresh this evening as I reviewed it even though I haven't updated it for a little while.  In particular the part about looking back on my day and reflecting on my experiences.  I had a pretty good day, but felt anxious throughout the day.  I'm not sure why.  I had these thoughts of having stuff I want to try but can't due to on-going commitments.  I guess the thoughts relate to being trapped by my on-going commitments and thus not having the time to try new things.  This just isn't true.  I'm not trapped by anything at this time.  I think this is a job to my prioritization matrix.  I'll see if I can use that to identify which on-going things need my attention and which I can put off to make time to try something new.

Ideal Self Tool for Resolutions

I'm formulating a resolution and will post it if/when it's completed.  The Ideal Self tool is a good place to store a resolution in the app.  That tool is there to help me put a focus on what I want to be, as opposed to capturing what I don't want.  Last year I had one Ideal Self entry related to being a healthy eater.  That was kind of a cop out for me because I have been a fairly healthy eater for quite some time now.  I'll see if I can come up with something better this year.  Actually, I think I'll delete the healthy eater entry.  I think too many Ideal Self entries may be self defeating for me.  I think I can effectively focus on only a couple of Ideal Self goals.